If I were the Canadian Finance Minister....

This would be my budget speech that I would have delivered to the House of Commons if I was the Canadian Finance Minister:

"Mr. Speaker it’s a privilege and honour to stand before the House and Canadians to present our Conservative government’s 4rd federal budget. Since being elected in 2006 we have reduced taxes, and the overtaxation of Canadians that occurred under the previous Liberal government for many years. That overtaxation led to poor decision-making, boondoggles and outright criminal activity. Mr. Speaker we have a proven track record of putting citizens first and politicians and bureaucrats last.

Mr. Speaker, this year we have seen have seen a financial panic hit the world for the first time in many years. While there are challenges of tight credit affecting businesses, that will undoubtedly affect individuals and some families, this problem is the fault of governments meddling in the affairs of businesses and people. Government is the problem, it is not the solution.

Many on the left, especially many so-called experts are demanding massive government intervention. Mr. Speaker, as parliamentarians, it is our job to look beyond the hype, and learn from history. Massive government spending didn’t cure the Great Depression, big deficits and poor monetary policies lead to the hyperinflation and stagnant economy growth in the 1970s. In each instance, Canadians suffered when their politicians said the opposite. Mr. Speaker, we will not repeat past mistakes just because of the media and left-wing special interest groups.

The solution to the financial crisis lies in the inventiveness, hard work, and resilience of individual Canadians. Free enterprise is what gives us all a standard of living that no social program can provide. It’s responsible for the eliminating starvation, making clothing, housing, and everything we want in life easily accessible. Freeing Canadians from the stranglehold of government is the fastest way out of the recession. With that I am proud to announce the following budgetary policies:

Because Canadians are struggling financially, we will endeavour to put back into Canadians’ pockets as much of their money as possible. After all Mr. Speaker, the money government has is not ours, it’s the hard working citizens of this country. The following programs will be phased out over the next 90 days:
- The CBC
- CRTC
- Federal Human Rights Commissions
- Status of Women
- Billingual and multicultural programs
- Federal gun registries
- Grants to businesses
- Equalization payments to provinces
- Regional Development programs
- Ministry of Heritage

The money from these organizations and programs have sucked far too much money out of Canadians’ pockets for too long. These savings will immediately put into tax reductions.

Over the next 5 years the government will be phasing out income tax, and the income will be replaced in kind with equivalent consumption taxes. Canadians should not be punished for earning money, not is the government automatically entitled to Canadians’ money. Canadians will now be able to do their taxes on a postcard size form, taking 60 seconds to fill out.

Spurring innovation is a cornerstone to getting out of the recession. We will be ending bank regulations, allowing foreign competition to provide better financial services for Canadians, and allow banks to freely merge if they decide that it is in their best interest. We will allow foreign airlines to fly on domestic routes, which will reduce airline fares for Canadians, and increase consumer choice. We will eliminate any last regulations on Air Canada. We will eliminate culture regulations for radio and television, allowing Canadians to freely choose what they want to watch. Mr. Speaker its up to artists and consumers to decide what is a success, not a government bureaucrat.

We will be introducing the “Choice in Health Care” Act – to replace the North Korean styled Canada Health Act. Canadians will be free to choose who should provide their health insurance. Canadians who choose a provider other than the government will pay no incomes taxes on any healthcare expenditures, including insurance, as well as a 1% reduction in their income tax rate. Mr. Speaker in the depths of a recession we will be helping to spur on a new sector of entrepreneurial innovation.

All ministerial budgets except departments that ensure the security of our nation’s borders will be reduced by 20% and the savings passed onto Canadians in terms of further tax reductions. Mr. Speaker, this government WILL NOT GO INTO DEFICIT nor put a future generation into debt because of a parliament they never got to vote for.

The only departments to see an increase in spending will be those related to border security and intelligence gathering as Canada has developed a reputation for being a haven for terrorists and terrorist sympathizing organizations.

The defence budget will be increased by 50% over the next 4 years, and an increase in full time personnel to 120,000 soldiers. This will allow us to protect our borders, as well as meet our international obligations for fighting terrorism. Mr. Speaker Canada will once again be on the world stage punching above its weight working with our historical allies, the U.S., Australia, and Great Britain.

Mr. Speaker, as a good friend and ally of the U.S., we will help them out with closing Guantanamo Bay. We will offer to house terrorist suspects in a soon to be built detention center on Baffin Island. Terrorists from hot arab countries will think again about striking a western country if they know there is a good probability they will be waiting the rest of their lives for Allah in the frigid Canadian arctic.

Mr. Speaker we are not going to play politics with Canadians’ money, nor are we going to make decisions based on sensational news headlines and fickle opinion polls. We ask the honourable members of the opposition to put aside the lure of grabbing headlines and work together on ensuring the success of the free market and free enterprise in Canada so we end up stronger as we come out of the recession."